Welcome to Affirm Foundation, presented by Princeton ministries with Dr. Ken Smith. This is Carol Smith, Ken’s wife. Please enjoy.

Let us pray. Our God and our Father, we ask now that the words of my mouth, the meditations of our hearts, would be acceptable in your sight, for we ask it in Jesus’s name. This morning my son Tom came and said, dad, how do I look? I’m all dressed for church. I said, tom, you look great, except your pants are on backwards. You know, and sometimes we’re like that. How do I look? Well, great. But can we talk about something? And I consider the subject today of submission to be one of those subjects that wiser men have chosen not to speak on. If you want to extend and explore explosion in a conversation at a dinner party, just simply ask this question. Where do you stand on the submission of women to their husbands?

Criswell, who is the pastor of the largest Baptist church in the United States, when he came to the verses in Ephesians that speak about submission, he simply stepped back and leaped over them. Charles Spurgeon, who was able to fight Satan and speak against all manner of evil, when you look to his sermons, he has not a word to speak on the subject of submission. And yet, I think as we look at the institution of marriage today, whether you are religious or secular, the conclusions are that marriage as an institution is in great trouble, that there are great forces at work to dismantle the relationship between a husband and wife. Back in the sixties, books were being written about open marriage. Those books sold for $6.95, $10.95.

And, you know, today if you go to a bookstore and try to buy those books, you can buy them for a quarter because it didn’t work so well. We seem to be looking for all kinds of solutions to the tensions between husbands and wives. And we will go to any guru, any new philosophy, hoping that there will be answer to the stress that so many husbands and wives sense in their marriage. The United States of America has now logged for itself the very sad statistic of leading in the history of the world in divorce. And yet, we very seldom go back and look at the instruction sheet. So seldom do we go back and say, what is God’s plan for the relationship between a man and a woman?

Now, there is but one scripture that speaks on this subject in great length, and that is to be found in the book of Ephesians, chapter five, verses 22 through 33. Before we plunge into these controversial verses, I think it is important for us to understand a few umbrella thoughts that are in the mind of Paul before he speaks words of instruction to husbands and wives. The first is to be found in chapter five, verse two. That umbrella teaching is that we are to walk in love as Christ has also loved us. Above all, any teaching upon the relationship between a husband and a wife must be understood in the context of walking in love, just as Christ loved us.

That there is never the intent that there is to be a tyrant who runs wild in a home, who never shows the love of Christ, nor is there to be a rebellious spirit who would always speak against that authority in the home. But rather, the context of Paul’s teaching is first to be found, that both men and women are called upon to walk in love, as Christ also loved us. Now, there is such ambiguity today on the definition of love. I remember in college several students gathering together and trying to come up with a definition of love, and it was an impossible task. It finally disintegrated to someone talking about love being broccoli. And I said, my, we’ve come a long way, but do you remember Elmer Gantry? Elmer Gantry said, love is the morning star. Love is the evening star.

Or do you remember love means never having to say you’re sorry. Where shall we go for a definition of love? Remember in college the first time that I felt that little Twitter inside that Twitter that I thought might be, could it be love? And who did I go to? Why the authority? My mother. And from that discussion, we came to the conclusion that you would know when you are truly in love. Well, where do we get a definition of love? Well, I would recommend that you look at the book of first Corinthians, chapter 13, for that definition of love. It basically says that love is not so much a descriptive feeling as it is a determination of the will to love someone without any strings attached. Well, God has a definition for love.

And we are told, as a matter of fact, God is love. And if we would know true love, then we must look at Jesus Christ, who was love incarnate. And any definition of love must look at Christ for its definition. Now, Christ is the greatest example of love. It is that kind of love that a husband is to have for his wife, and a wife is to have for her husband. A second important umbrella teaching is to be found in Ephesians 521. And Paul tells us that we are to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord. Now, these verses are separated from the following verses that talk about husbands and wives because Paul wants us to understand. There is a teaching of scripture that says that every person in this world is to submit to someone.

There is no such thing in the scripture as either a man or a woman who is not called upon to be submissive. This is not merely a teaching to women, but it is also a teaching to men that we are to submit to one another. And it is that broader context of submission that will help us to understand the more specific qualifications that Paul asks of wives as they would submit even to their husbands. There is no person who in themselves is not called upon by scripture to be submissive. We are to submit our mind. We are to submit our body. We are to be submissive to the government. We are to be submissive to our parents. We are to be submissive as young men to older men. Submission is part of being a Christian.

And every one of us is called upon to be submissive. And when we are disobedient to that authority directly above us, the scripture teaches it is the same as being disobedient to Christ himself. That submission is part of the created order, that every man, woman, and child is called upon to submit to those authorities that have been placed for our good, to those institutions, to those parts of the family. We are all called upon to submit. And when we disobey those authorities, that we, in fact, are disobeying Christ. And when we look at the job description of a wife, I must admit I wish that Paul had begun with the husband. For it seems in my logic that it would be easier to first speak about the husband and then to come and to talk about the wife.

But he begins in verse 22, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. I believe that this is probably the most unpopular Bible verse to be found in the scripture. And it is because of this verse that the apostle Paul has been called a male chauvinist, that he has been called anti feminist, that he has been called an enemy to women’s rights. And I think all of these titles are to misunderstand Paul and to misunderstand the teaching of scripture. Because the argument that Paul presents in these verses is not an argument that is found in his culture. For if were to look for but a moment at the culture, the day in which Paul lived, we would find that was a culture that was filled with Greek and roman thought. And it was from that worldview that if.

If a woman were born in Rome as a baby, infant, very often the practice to take that baby and to leave it on a hill to die, it was within the Greek and the roman world that women were seen primarily as slaves, as chattel, as mere possessions of their husbands who could do with them as they liked. And it was against that cultural background that the apostle Paul speaks. Notice that Paul does not build his case on the subject of submission in relation to the culture of Rome or of Greece. Instead, he goes back to creation itself. It is from the argument of creation that Paul wants men and women to understand submission.

And he reminds us in verse 31, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, which is taken from the very words of creation, that relationship between a man and a woman. And so if were to look at the culture of the day, we would see that the culture taught that women were to be slaves of their husbands. And in fact, the husband was the tyrant who directed that home exactly as he saw fit. But the teaching of Paul is not one of a master versus a slave. Rather, his teaching is a subordination in the same sense that a queen is subordinate to a king. And he presents the woman for the first time, not as a slave, but as a queen.

Do you remember in Genesis one, verse 26, God blessed Adam and Eve. And God said to them, be fruitful and rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on earth. Adam was created as the king to have rule over the creation. And God looked at Adam, and up until each day he said, it is good. It is good. Until he looked upon Adam alone. And for the first time, God declared, it is not good that man be alone. And so what did God do? He created Eve as the queen of paradise to rule with her husband over the creation. When God created Eve, we don’t find Adam saying, great, a slave, someone that I can dominate, someone that I can be a tyrant over.

No, what we find is when Adam sees his wife, he says, this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Now there are some who would look at verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands and would like to redefine the word submit. But I would remind you that this is not the only occasion upon which there this commandment is given is found not only here in Ephesians five, but in Colossians chapter three. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands in one peter three. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands. And the word that is used is a Greek word that means literally, to submit, to be in subjection to.

For those who would like to simply redefine the term, the language does not allow that definition. Now, we want to make a distinction in saying that there are two orders of creation. One is the order of creation. That is a result of authority. And it is in this realm that there is a difference between a man and a woman as they come together as husband and wife, that the husband has been given the authority to rule over his wife. Now there is another area that we must understand, and that area is to be found in dignity. For along with authority, there is also, in the created order, dignity. And nowhere in scripture is it ever taught that a man has greater dignity than a woman, or that a woman has greater dignity than a man.

That both man and woman were created with equal dignity. But there is a difference in authority. Man and woman were not created the same authority, but they were created with the same dignity. And I think it is upon this distinction that some of the women’s groups of today have misunderstood. Because the nature of man, which is sinful, has at times thought, because we have been given by God greater authority. Therefore, we come to this wrong conclusion. We therefore have greater dignity. And there has been the case of men who have taken their position of authority and misused it. To say to their wife that they have no dignity. And some of the women’s movement is an attempt to regain the dignity that God has placed in every man and woman, that they might have that dignity, that man, in his sinfulness has stepped on.

But it is possible to make the error in seeking your dignity, to forget that there is within scripture a legitimate authority that has been given to the husband. So when a woman would say, dignity of Christ is mine, she is right. But when she would usurp the authority of her husband to be the spiritual head of that home, there she has overstepped the boundary. And to understand that there is a difference between the authority that God has placed upon the husband in his home and the dignity that is to be equal between the husband and the wife. Now, how is a woman supposed to submit to her husband? Well, we are told to submit as to the Lord. Generally speaking, I do not know of a woman who has ever said that they would not want their husband to lead properly in the home.

Now, there are many husbands who are not leading properly in the home, and they have become spiritually awol. And that they are spending their time on the golf course, they’re spending their time at work, they’re spending their time in all manner of activity. And they have neglected their responsibility to their wives. Well, the solution for a wife is to see that her submission to her husband is to be as to the Lord. In verse 23, we read, for the husband is the head of the wife is also Christ is head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Notice that he is not saying that the church is 50% and Jesus Christ is 50%. There has crept within even Christian circles the idea that really a Christian marriage is simply 50.

But I would remind you that no organization functions on 50. Anyone who is in business knows that you must have 51% in order to make decisions when there is disagreement. And if you do not find that 51%, that majority, then you will find yourself in a Mexican standoff with everyone shooting their 50% at each other. And there has crept, even within the Christian church, the idea that authority within the home is to be 50. But I would remind you that the scriptures teach that it is the husband who is the head of the wife, and that the responsibility of a wife is to be submissive to her husband. Now, are there times when a wife can disobey her husband? The answer is yes.

And we must see that a wife, at times not only may disobey her husband, but at times must disobey her husband. And you say, when would that be? Well, it would be when a husband commands his wife to do something which God forbids, or when God forbids something. He says, at those times, a wife is called upon to disobey her husband and to obey the higher authority. If your husband was Al Capone and he said to you, take this machine gun and meet me down at the bank and we’re going to rob it together. Wives say no, but there may be other times, perhaps you are married to a non Christian. He would say to you, do not go to church. There was a time when my advice to that woman would have been to obey your husband, for he is your spiritual head.

But in clearer thought, to realize that husband has asked something which God has forbidden. For God has said, it is not good to forsake the assembling of the church. So there may be times when you must say to your husband, I love you, but I must obey the Lord. Now be very sure, wives, that when you disobey your husband, that disobedience is because of the clear teaching of God’s word, and that your disobedience is not simply a cover up to be disobedient. Now, the scriptures speak not only to women, but they also speak to the husbands. And there is a role which the husband is asked to fulfil, and that is found in verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave him for it.

Perhaps a better translation of this would be, husbands, be loving towards your wives. Treat her as lovely. Then. You say she’s not lovely. Well, that is precisely the reason that we are told to love our wives, just as Christ loved the church. Church, which at times is not lovely, but is disobedient. And we are called upon to have the same understanding of our wives as Christ has for each one of us. That we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. And how did he love the church? He gave himself for it. If ever there was a person who could claim to be busy, it is Jesus Christ.

Jesus could claim that I am now very busy at running the universe, for my father has placed it in my hand, and it is my responsibility to oversee the movement of the planets, to watch the coming and going of the seasons, to make sure that there is water and snow and sunshine. And if ever there was someone who could say, I’m too busy for my bride, it is Jesus Christ. But never do we find Jesus never having time for his wife. The church. Christ daily intercedes for his bride. Christ daily is present with her. He’s never away on business. He is always in contact. And there is a problem that happens among men, and that goes back to your courtship days. Do you remember that? Why, it seemed that you were an Olympic trainer. No distance was too far for you to run.

Why, you could run through the night. Your stamina was breathtaking. As you would talk with that would be bride, it seemed that you could talk endlessly. Anything that she would ask, not only would you do it, but you would fill the cup that it would run over. Do you worry about the telephone bill, those long phone calls from long distances while you were like some great athlete in training? Your goal to court and to woo. And then you were married and you reached the goal. And for some, you set your eyes on other goals. Business, place in the country, success, another degree. And that first goal, that first love that you had for your wife is gone. And on occasion, there is some pretty young thing sitting in the office. She makes you feel so good. You say, I feel like a man.

I don’t know what it is about her. And so across our nation is sweeping the devastating results of husbands leaving their wives and running off with sweet young things. Of wives leaving their husbands for that strong young man. Why so often just makes me feel like a woman just makes me feel like a man. Across our nation, tragedy. Men and women who have forgotten that love affair, that they had committed themselves to Jesus Christ to fulfil those vows. And husbands, as you would look on another woman, that you would think to yourself, this woman truly makes me feel like a man, that you would take that thought, that you would confess it to Christ, that you would go home, that you would be with your family, that you would cherish and nourish your family.

There are many husbands who have been spiritually and physically awol. We are told as husbands to love our wives just as Christ loved the church. Do you have a time, husbands, where you are with your wife alone, without the children? Once a week, take her out for dinner, go to a movie. Do you remember your honeymoon? You know, you can have a honeymoon every year, take two days and plan without the children, that you and your wife will have another honeymoon. You say, well, we can’t afford that. Well, I would think that probably you didn’t need that second television. We all can afford it. It’s a matter of will we do it. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. Verses 26 and 27.

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water, by the word that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. He says that, husbands, you have a goal. Your goal is to present your wife to Jesus Christ as glorious, full of glory. In Latin, the word that is used is dignities, with dignity. That you would present your wife to Jesus Christ as one who is full of dignity and respect. And husbands, we have a responsibility before Christ that we would bring before him our wife, whose purpose in our mind has been to fill her with the dignity of being a creation of God.

Husbands, think about your wives for that day when you will present her to Jesus Christ in all of her glory, in all of her dignity. He tells us finally, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his. He wants us to regard our wife in the same way that we regard our body. Just drive by the nautilus clubs, the racquetball clubs, lane academies all around this nation, as people pay hundreds of dollars a year to go and to pump the iron that their physical body might be in shape.

Well, husbands, you’re called upon to love your wife in the same way that you love your body. How much time do you spend working out? You spend that much time with your wife. How much emphasis is there in your weekly routine upon combing your hair and showering and making sure that you are clean and making sure that you have eaten well and slept well? With that same concern for your body? You are called upon to have concern for your wife. Also. You are to nourish and cherish her. You are to place a very high value upon your wife. Let me ask you this question. If you had it over again to do, would you marry your husband? Would you marry your wife?

I’ve thought about that and I am glad for the years that I have been together with my wife Carol, and for the help and support that she has been as a helpmate to me. I pray that I would love her in the same way that Christ loved the church. And I can say without any question that yes, I would marry her again, for I love her dearly. And I pray for that day when she and I will stand before Christmas that I will say I have sought to love her as Christ loved the church, and that she would say, I have sought to submit to my husband. I pray that you as a husband and wife would read the instruction book that submission.

Whether a husband to Christ or a wife to her husband, we are all called upon to be subjects of Christ, to submit ourselves to him. I pray that you know the joy of submission. Let us pray. Our God and our father, we come before you as men and women who have been created by you. We do thank you the way that you have made us. We pray, Lord, that you would help us to see that balance in our own families, that submission, that loving and caring for one another, that mutual respect and dignity. And Father, we pray that you would help us today place within our marriage that ingredient of submission that each of us would submit purposes of Christ, for we ask it in his name. Amen.

Thank you for listening to Affirm Foundation presented by Princeton Ministries. This programming is supported by you, the listener. You may go to our website, princetonministries.org or send your donation to Princeton Ministries Post Office Box 2171, Princeton, New Jersey 08543. That’s Princeton Ministries, Post Office Box 2171, Princeton, New Jersey 08543. The Lord bless you and Doctor Smith looks forward to hearing from you.